


yesterday you told me (about the blue blue sky)

by ivermectin



Series: wonder how; wonder why [3]
Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: 'no archive warnings apply' because the reference is blink & you'll miss it, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Conversations, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, POV Dan Humphrey, Serena van der Woodsen is a Good Friend, abusive georgina sparks (background/implied/mentioned), and this fic is more about derena friendship than the other stuff, background dan/georgina, past serena/georgina (mentioned/implied), takes place during chapter 3 of just a yellow lemon tree, the dan/nate is pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: In which Dan and Serena talk about Georgina, amongst other things.
Relationships: Dan Humphrey & Serena van der Woodsen, Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey
Series: wonder how; wonder why [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094039
Kudos: 8





	yesterday you told me (about the blue blue sky)

**Author's Note:**

> like mentioned in the tags, this takes place during ch3 of the previous story in this series. I'm not sure how much sense this makes without knowledge of that.
> 
> like the first installment, the title of this work is from the song "lemon tree" by fool's garden.

“It’s so good to see you, how’ve you been?”

Serena’s hands curl around Dan intuitively, and he leans into her, pressing his face against her shoulder. He hadn’t been expecting to see her, and he feels awful, caught unawares, almost afraid, but the look on Serena’s face had been a joyous one, and the way she’s holding him is friendly and cautious.

Dan’s been through affectionate gestures weaponised, hugs that are a bit too tight, nails discreetly dug into arms, Georgie stepping on his foot under the table while looking the other way. This is nothing like that; he can tell that it’s genuine.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Dan says, and he means it, even with the looming, habitual Georgina-shaped fear that resides in the pit of his stomach all the time. He’s going to leave Georgina, after all. It’s time for him to stop succumbing to it.

He wishes, yet again, that he could just turn the emotions off. Go back to being Regular Old Dan Humphrey, before Georgina walked back into his life with a baby and turned everything inside out, except without having to lose Milo.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

He doesn’t answer the “how’ve you been” question. He isn’t sure what he can even say.

“I’ve missed you,” Serena says, pulling away, as Nate and Milo parade off to watch a movie or something. Dan hadn’t really been paying attention, but he’d seen Nate give the two of them a moment alone, and he appreciated it.

“I missed you too,” Dan says. It’s hitting him all over again, like the very first time he’d realised just how alone he was, just how much of it was his own fault. “Serena, I’m so sorry, I – ”

“Don’t be,” Serena says, quiet but with conviction. Her hands are still on Dan’s shoulders even though they’re not hugging, and she gives his arms a gentle squeeze before walking over to Nate’s dining table, pulling one of the chairs and sitting down on it. “I know how Georgina operates, Dan. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

 _Am I okay?_ Dan thinks, but he doesn’t voice it. He pulls out the chair next to hers, and says, softly, “You’re possibly the only person who knows what I’m going through right now.”

“Not exactly,” Serena says, but she gives him a little smile. “I didn’t marry her.”

Dan puts his head in his hands, and Serena puts her arm around him. “But I do get it, up to a point. There was a time when I really liked her and trusted her, even against my best instincts.”

Maybe that’s what gets to him. “Me too,” he says, quiet. “Serena, I don’t regret it. I have Milo to think of, but at the same time,” it comes out in a shaky exhale. “I can’t talk to anyone. About – about how _she_ is. You know how Nate is. He worries.”

“He worries so much,” Serena agrees. “I used to feel guilty, telling him things. He always seemed sadder than I did about all of it.”

“He’s so compassionate,” Dan says. And then quickly amends, “Not that you’re not!” but Serena’s laughing, amused.

“It’s fine, I’m not offended,” she says to him. “It’s _Nate._ He’s always been sweet.”

Dan exhales again, feeling shaky. “Serena,” he says, like it’s the only way he knows to ask for help. The smile slips off Serena’s face, and she waits for him to continue, sensing that it’s serious. “I’m not even a person around Georgie. She – she…”

He stops, quiet, but Serena picks up where he’s left off. “Makes decisions for you, expects you to tie loose ends together, doesn’t hear you when you say no?” Serena smiles, but there’s no humour to it.

Silently, Dan nods.

“I’m so sorry,” Serena says softly. “I think all of us really wanted to hope that she’d become a better person. That, you know, motherhood had changed her, or something like that.”

Dan thinks of Blair and Henry in the supermarket (and in life) sans Chuck. He shrugs. “Some people don’t change that easily.”

“You know, I’m always around if you want to talk to me about it,” Serena says. She says it off-handedly, clearly not meant to instil any guilt in him, and maybe that’s what makes him feel guilty.

“I’m so fucking sorry for disappearing,” he tells her. It hurts to say, even. “So, so sorry.” He doesn’t say _I was afraid,_ but Serena’s looking at him with empathy in her expression.

“I get it,” she tells him. “Stop apologising for it, Dan. The circumstances weren’t normal. And what matters now is that we’re back in touch. I’m in your corner. Okay?”

“I wish you’d gotten to see Milo, to get to know him properly, like Nate does,” Dan says. “He knows you exist, especially given that you have history with, well, me and with Georgie – ”

“Not at the same time though, thank God,” Serena interjects, and Dan snorts, amused despite the gravity of the situation.

“He knows you exist, but he doesn’t know you,” Dan completes. “And I wish that he did, because you’re one of my best friends. Is that an appropriate thing to tell an ex-girlfriend?”

“Well, it’s you and me, so yes, you’re good,” Serena says. She gets up, gives Dan a hand, curls her arm around his waist. “You’re one of my best friends too. Let’s check in on your boys before they get curious and come looking.”

Dan feels heat rushing to his face, wills it away. “They’re not my boys.”

“Not yet,” Serena says, smiling. She pulls him over to where Nate’s TV is, down the corridor. “We’ve got to discuss your book about me, later.”

“We can discuss it right now,” Dan says. He redirects her to the kitchen, opens one of Nate’s cabinets, gets out a packet of popcorn and tells her that they can microwave it, take something to snack on while watching the movie.

“I tried to write about you, but I ended up writing about me at the same time. Turns out we’re very similar people,” he says, while they’re waiting for the popcorn.

“I noticed that,” Serena says. She gives him a warm smile. “You know, I _have_ read it.”

“I wrote half of it when I was still in high school, and in love with you. And then I wrote the other half once we’d broken up. And I have a penchant for the dramatic, which you can clearly tell,” Dan begins, and he’s about to ramble on and on, but Serena laughs.

“Shut up, I have read it,” Serena says again. “And I’ll be honest, it isn’t what I was expecting.”

“What is it, then?” Dan asks her.

“A testimonial to how sad and lovesick you are,” Serena says. The microwave beeps, and she opens it deftly, getting out a bowl, putting the popcorn in. “Oh wow, we’re raiding Nate’s kitchen.”

“He’ll survive it,” Dan says. “Any further psychoanalysis you’ve got for me, Ms van der Woodsen?”

“The people you love aren’t out of your league, Dan,” Serena tells him, suddenly serious. “And you shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself for how you feel. We’re not in high school anymore. Nate isn’t the Golden Boy of St Judes’; he’s just Nate. He’s your best friend.”

“Why are we talking about Nate?” Dan asks, as they head out of the kitchen, down the corridor towards the room with the television.

“You know why,” Serena says. She takes the bowl from him, but gives him a one-armed hug, first. “I want you to be happy. And I want you to remember that you deserve to have someone who loves you unconditionally.”

“So do you,” Dan tells her.

“I do,” Serena tells him. Dan raises an eyebrow inquisitively. “You’re looking right at her.”

“Amazing,” Dan says, smiling. “Radical self-love is a sexy look on you. You’re glowing.”

He peers into the room, and as he watches, Milo grabs at the TV remote from Nate’s hand.

“Sweetheart, what have I told you about snatching?” Dan reprimands, but he’s careful not to be too harsh. “People will give you things if you ask nicely.”

Milo apologises to Nate, and then Serena walks in enthusiastically, bounding over to the sofa, nudging Nate out of the way, and cheerily asking Milo what’s going on. They have a whispered exchange that Dan can’t catch, but it warms his chest to see how easily Milo’s warmed to Serena.

Dan offers Nate a hand, pulls him up, and they walk over to the kitchen, Dan not letting go of Nate’s hand even though he could, and he has no reason to hold on to it once Nate’s standing. As they’re walking out of the room, Serena catches his eye, and gives him a small and encouraging smile.

 _Thank you_ , Dan mouths. He lets the feeling of knowing Serena supports him empower him for a moment, but it sets a chain of other feelings toppling into activity. Guilt at being such a mess, the feeling of being a failure, quiet disbelief at how his friends seem to care about him despite his not giving them a reason to.

He pushes all of that aside though, because Nate’s talking to him, light-hearted and warm and Dan _knows_ there’s an ocean of worry under Nate’s surface of calm, but he appreciates how much Nate does to remain steady when Dan really needs him to.

“Serena _is_ cooler than you,” Dan says in response to Nate, jokingly. But inside he’s thinking, _sure, Serena is Serena. But you’re my favourite person, hands down. Other than my kid, if I could have only one other person by my side – after Milo, it’d always be you._

He doesn’t voice it, he’s got other things to say, now isn’t the time.

But for a while, he lets himself believe that there _will_ be a time to say it, in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> dan & serena being best friends is really important to me. i wasn't going to write anything right now, and then i saw [this picture of them hugging](https://ggcaps.tumblr.com/post/188348937739/) and i didn't have a choice.
> 
> i'll PROBABLY write more in this series, because i have milo feelings always and always. when will i write more? who knows!


End file.
